We all know someone who has told us to shut up and move on from something that we struggle with. But they forget the most important thing. No one moves on at the same rate.
No two people are the same. We can experience the same situation, and we can react the same in the moment, but we don't move on at the same pace.
Many negative things have affected me in my life, and I still have problems getting over it. My childhood was not the best, far from it. The image that people got and the reality were two very different things. And some of the things that happened still give me nightmares to this day. Frequently, in fact.
Now if I compare some of the things that happened to me, to the same things that happened to people I know, we have moved on at very different rates. Some of them have completely moved on from the situations, and some of them relive it every day.
The thing is this. We can experience the exact same thing at the exact same time with the exact same intensity, but we will not be affected the same way.
I am someone that fixates. Very very much. But at the same time, I am someone who is able to move on relatively quickly from certain events. This has been something that has been instilled in me from childhood.
But not everyone has that capability. Many people have a really hard time moving on from certain things. This is not because they are weak!!! Not even close! It is because they experience things more intensely than others. Which is both a good thing, and a bad thing at the same time.
People who feel intensely, are people that are able to sympathize and empathize much more intensely than others. I am not saying that people who are not affected that intensely are not able to care deeply, not at all. What I am saying is that people who feel more intensely, are able to do it faster than others. And where it may take me a long time to connect that way to someone, it is much quicker for them.
This is not weakness. Just as it is not arrogance or disrespect when others do not feel that way. Where the problem comes in is that a lot of people who get over things quicker, misinterpret the feelings of the others as weakness. And this is when they come forward and seem to be harsh. And in many cases they are. But the root of that problem is misunderstanding.
That misunderstanding can cause a lot of problems. Especially in the way that they view one another. Both the people who feel it more intensely, and those who don't.
The key thing to remember is that everyone is different. There is no instant advice anyone can provide that will help you get over the effects of your past. It takes time, and work.
Many people need a lot of reassurance when it comes to these things. I have known many people who still ask for permission when they want to get something to eat. Why? Because of how they were treated in the past. These things have a lasting effect. Even people who move on from issues quickly are still affected by many things that happened in their childhood. This shows itself in little habits they have formed over the years.
Everyone is affected by their past. The are no exceptions. The past has a tendency to make you who you are today. That's what it's about. Like the saying goes, " It can make or break you."
Moving on takes time. Moving on takes work. You have to be able to come to terms with what happened, and get to the point where you feel at peace and able to continue your life without that shadow hanging over you.
Many people do this in many different ways. Some do it easily, on their own time. Others need professional help. Don't let anyone tell you that you are weak and pathetic for needing help. Because you are not. And if you are capable of moving on easily and quicker than others, that's absolutely awesome! But judging one another based on that is just cruel and unkind. Expecting others to deal at your pace, and judging when they don't is not how this works. Instead of judging, support. Because they may need your help. And instead of resenting someone who can move on quickly, ask for their help. Because they may be able to give you advice that you did not expect.
Respecting the fact that everyone moves on in different ways is just common human decency. As is supporting those who struggle, and not calling those who move on quickly unfeeling or cold. Respect one another. Respect your differences. You can learn from it in many different ways.
For anyone who needs help, look up Online Therapy. They have a variety of resources, and can help you with any problem.
https://www.online-therapy.com/?ref=271714
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