Relationships can be very tricky. And being there and taking responsibility for your part of it, is something that many people struggle with.
The first thing about a good and healthy relationship is that both partners are there for one another. You love one another, care for one another, support one another, and always be there for one another.
The difficult thing for many people is the fact that they don't understand how to take responsibility for their side of the relationship, or don't want to. And that is where the big problem comes in. Because you have to show up for every part of a relationship. The good and the bad.
In the good times it's relatively easy. You find joy in one anther. You enjoy one another's company, and enjoy spending time together. But even this can be tricky. Because think of it. You are spending time with your partner, but you are also talking to friends on your phone. How do you balance that?
When you are with your partner, they are the one that needs to occupy most of your attention. Talking with your friends is great, but don't completely shut out your partner in favor of them. This is pushing your partner aside. You need to show your partner that you are there for them. You are always capable of putting your phone down on the table, and go into the kitchen to make dinner together, and only pick it up again two or three hours later. You are still connected, but you are also prioritizing your partner. And, to be perfectly honest, if your friends actually care about you, and they know you are in a healthy relationship, they will be happy for you, and encourage it.
So in good times it is very easy to show up. But the trick is, and always has been, showing up when times are tough.
When a relationship starts to hit a rough patch, it is easy to withdraw and blame everything on your partner. But that's not how it works. The responsibility to make the relationship work is not just on them, it is on you too.
You have to take responsibility for your actions and deeds during the relationship. If you start locking your partner out, you have to ask yourself why it is happening. What you do then is discuss it with your partner. You get them involved. You explain what is going on in your head, to see if you can both work on this problem.
Responsibility in a relationship does not come from one partner only, it comes from both. Both partners should take responsibility for their actions. If you are in a bad mood and take it out on your partner, go to them later and apologize. Go to them and explain why you were feeling that way. So that they don't feel as if they did something wrong, when in fact they did not do anything.
Openness in a relationship is the most important thing. Communicate with each other when there is a problem. Don't expect your partner to always be there for you, or support you, or give you whatever you want, when you are not willing to do the same thing. A relationship is tit for tat. If you want something, that's fine. But make sure to do the exact same thing for your partner.
It's not only up to one partner to make sure hat you are happy. It's not just on them to take you out and spoil you. If they do it, great! But nothing stops you from saying, "Let's go out tonight. My treat." Show your partner what they mean to you. Not say, show. Words are easy. Actions mean more.
Be there for your partner on bad days, take responsibility for your actions in the relationship, and be prepared to fix the mistakes you make. And if your partner wants to truly make the relationship with you work, then they will do it too. A relationship is NOT 50/50. Never! It is 100/100. You put all of yourself into the relationship if you want to make it work. Not just certain parts. Because what are you going to do with the other 50%? Start another relationship with it?
100/100 does not mean that you forget to look after yourself. It does not mean that you let your partner take over your life completely. It simply means that you are invested in the relationship and giving your all. You are not leaving yourself behind. You are showing your partner that you are serious in a future with them. And if the relationship is to work the way it should, they should do the same for you.
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