Guilt and How to Manage It

Guilt is something I am very familiar with. It has come a long way with me. And guilt is what everyone experiences in their life at one point or another, deserved or not.

As a child I was made to feel guilty about simple things. Things I didn't want to do, things I enjoyed doing, and things I did in general. I would be made to feel guilty about things I was feeling. Things that upset me, things that made me happy, things that made me feel uncomfortable.

This is a very difficult way to grow up. To be made to feel guilty to the point where you spent all your time apologizing for everything, even breathing.

This is something a lot of people experience. They grow up with it, and if they didn't grow up with it, it is something they would have been exposed to at one point or another. They would be made to feel guilty for everything. And this is simply cruel.

Feeling guilty about an actual act that you committed is one thing, that is something that was deliberately done. Or accidentally. But it is an action. Sometimes you could have stopped it, other times you couldn't. But there is always help for those who need it. There is always people that can support you and help you through it.

This article is about the times where others come to you, and where other people make you feel guilty where you should not be.

When you don't like a certain food that someone prepared and as such don't eat it. And when you get home, you get guilt tripped so bad because you wee rude, and should have eaten it. When you like a certain kind of music, and be made to feel bad about it, because it's not the group favorite.

Guilt can take many forms, but the problem is the times others deliberately make you feel that way. This is what can break many many people. The reasoning for this is not always simple. It can be done out of jealousy. Out of anger, fear, dislike. But the effects are extremely damaging.

When you are made to feel guilty about being you, the effects are overpowering. You could do whatever you like, you could be whoever you like, but there will always be something someone makes you feel guilty about. This is what I experienced for most of my childhood, and well after.

When this happens enough, you tend to lose yourself in the guilt. You tend to forget who you are as it washes over you and consumes everything. At the end of the day, you just become a shadow, because that is better than having someone make you feel guilty about everything.

But here's the rub. At some point in time, you will move. Or they will die, or move, or forget you. You are unimportant to them. And they don't care what they did. But you are dealing with all the effects of what they did to you. You are dealing with the pain and worthless feelings that they have instilled in you.

So now the question is, what do you do? Unfortunately there is no sure fire answer. For me it only stopped when the main person that caused it died. After that it took a lot of work, and a whole lot of patience from my poor friend that had to deal with all the rough times, to be able to start getting over it. And I needed a lot of help. I was very confused, completely lost, and didn't know who I was or if I ever would be someone.

But I came to the realization that, even though it damaged me, the people that caused it didn't care. They didn't care about the pain it caused me, about the damage. I did. I cared about what someone else did to me, to such a degree that I lost all sense of myself.

The trick, the problem, is to realize that what they think about you? What they want you to think about yourself? It doesn't matter. Simply because anyone, no matter who, anyone who would do this to you, make you feel guilty for who you are and what you like, is truly not worth the time you will waste on them. They don't care about you, you should not care about them.

Now this is way, way easier said than done. It took a long time for me to get there. But at the end of the day, with support from only a few people who truly knew and understood what I was going through, only then could I start moving forward. Only then I came to see that I am actually worth something. That I am me, and anyone who values me even a tiny bit, would not guilt trip me for anything. They would talk to me and have a proper conversation with me if something bothers them, but they will never do that.

People who are worth the time and effort you invest in them, these are the people that will always provide support. And when you find them, they just show you how much worth it you truly are. But to truly get there? You have to see the value in yourself. You have to see that you are someone who deserves to feel the way you do, to like what you do, to BE you. And anyone who does not allow you to be you in all ways, they're the ones who truly need to feel guilty. Because they do the destroying.

Don't let unimportant people destroy you. You have the right to be you, and to express yourself how you want to. Remember that. And always remember this, be free to be you. Those that are worth it? They will love you for it.