If you have been in a toxic relationship, it is a huge adjustment when you suddenly find yourself in a healthy one.
I have been in two toxic relationships. In both of them I was abused mentally and emotionally. This broke me on a very deep level. I felt worthless, unwanted, and as if I was not good for anything other than sex. I was told that I was stupid, and it was so hammered into me, that I believed it. At the end of the day I had no self-esteem to speak of, and I felt so worthless that I believed that I was a complete waste of space and oxygen.
There was a large amount of time between these two relationships, but they were both very very similar in the way that I was treated. And in both of those relationships I got in extremely deep, extremely quickly, and I lost a lot more of myself than I expected.
After these two relationships I finally found myself in a extremely healthy relationship. We both talk to one another about everything. We support one another where needed, we comfort one another when needed, we play, we tease, and we give all of ourselves to one another. I am not made to feel worthless and stupid. Instead my feelings and opinions are taken into account, and respected. We compromise wherever we need to, and we always take the others' thoughts into account. We listen to one another, and always reassure one another in all our words and actions that we completely love and adore one another.
Going from those toxic relationships into this healthy one was a very big adjustment. I was half braced for the same treatment, but then I found out that my partner also went through a toxic relationship. That meant he understood my feelings in a different manner than the others did, even though they experienced their own forms of abuse. Because his was similar to mine in some levels, there was better communication and understanding.
He reassures me even when I don't tell him that I am feeling insecure. And I try my best to do the same. I once saw a post where it was said that it is easy to love someone. You can even love someone you can't stand. But do you like the person you love? That is the real question. And I like him very very much. I love to tease him, and to tickle him, because the faces he makes is absolutely adorable. The more I tease someone, the more I like them. And I nearly gave the poor boy a heart attack when I teased him the first time. Ladies, piece of advice, when you tell a guy that your relationship is in trouble because you're in love, just let the poor boy know very quickly that it's his shirt that you're in love with....
It was very strange in the beginning to be a part of a relationship where my feelings and thoughts were taken into account. Because in my past relationships I was always the one who had to give up everything of myself to such a degree that there was nothing of me left.
This is a problem for anyone who is used to being in a toxic relationship. You don't know how to cope in this instance, because it's all so strange. But as strange as it is, as huge an adjustment as it is, there is truly nothing better than having a partner who loves and respects you. Not only the good stuff, but all the dark, jagged pieces as well. Having someone who can respect that, and still treat you with the love you deserve, that is what healthy relationships are based on. That is what shows you that this relationship is worth making an effort for. This is a relationship that will not break you down and leave you stranded and alone in the middle of nowhere, this is a relationship that will build you up and give you the strength you need to be able to believe in yourself and to build yourself up from where you have been.
The ideal relationship is where you can trust your partner with everything. Both of you put all of yourself into the relationship. You talk to one another, you respect one another, you trust, compromise, and try to understand one another to the best of your abilities. If you can do this, no matter the problem that arises, you and your partner will be able to work through it. And that love and stability is something everyone deserves.
Comments