Abuse is something far too many people have experienced. And most of them don't know how to cope with it. That's because there is no immediate cure for it. All you can do is to find a way to cope and process what happened.
Because there are so many forms of abuse, no one can say exactly how to cope with it. Each person experiences abuse in their own unique way. It has different impacts on everyone, and no two people can say that they feel the exact same way about it. They may feel similar, but not the same.
Because many people feel it in a similar way, a lot of people think it is the same, but it never is. Each individual experiences the trauma in a way that is completely unique to them, simply because no two people are the same, and they do not have the same emotional or mental capacity to deal with it.
For me, because there were so many different kinds that I experienced, mental, emotional, sexual, physical, I started to withdraw into myself. I became extremely introverted, and started isolating myself from my family as much as I could. Which wasn't always easy, because we shared a house.
I built a wall around myself, and completely withdrew behind it. I started to create my own little fantasy worlds where I was strong, powerful, and in control of my own life. A world where I was completely independent, and where I could take care of myself in a way that I was not physically able to.
These little fantasies became my escape. When I felt weak and worthless, hurt and inconsequential, I would go behind that wall and lose myself in those worlds time and time again. There was a point in time where those worlds were more real than my own. It came to the point where I could not sleep without losing myself in those worlds first. Hell, I still do it. Because that's what I needed to do to cope. That's what I needed to do to survive.
Because of the wall that I built in order to get through it, I struggled very much to build any form of bond with people. I would talk to them, I would smile, I would go through all the motions, I would do everything that I needed to do for people to think I was ok and in control. That I wasn't broken inside.
And I got to the point where it was like breathing. I could pretend that everything was ok and I didn't even have to make an effort. I could do it with my eyes closed. And everyone believed me. At the end of the day, it was far easier for me to lose myself that way, than to actually feel anything, because feeling anything would be punished in a variety of ways.
But that is just one of the things I had to do. Not everyone feels the same, and not everyone copes the same. It damages some people to the point where self harm or suicide is the only way they can get out of it. And then there are those that bury it so deep that they no longer feel it, but it burns a hole in them that they can't easily fill. This usually ends up in some form of addiction in an effort to fill that hole. And those that don't turn to that, just feel empty. As if there is nothing left at all.
Not everyone is in the position where they can cope in the healthy way. Where they can process it, and get help when and where they need it. Where they can feel safe to let all these feelings out, and know that there is no judgement. Where they can cope and process the way they need to. And unfortunately, these are the people that tend to be lost in the woodwork. These are the people that hide it so well, that at times they themselves don't know it's there. That is how they defend themselves. But this is not the way to cope.
But unfortunately, that is the only way they can manage. But here is the very important thing to know. You are not alone. There are others that know how you feel. That have experienced it themselves. That know just how bad it can get. These are the people that will always support you. These are the people that will never turn you away, that will never break you down, simply because they know what it is like.
Coping takes a lot of work, and a lot of effort. Healing even more so. But it is possible. Just take it one step at a time. One little baby step at a time, and you can get there. You can start to process and heal, and that hole and hurt inside of you will slowly start to fade. That emptiness will start to go away. The trick is not to give up. To find something you feel you can fight for. To find something you can build on in order to get out of the place you are in. Something to have faith in.
Because that is such a hard thing to do, please follow the links below to Destroy Depression and Online Therapy. They have a variety of resources and can help you with whatever problem you need help with.
https://www.online-therapy.com/?ref=271714
Comments