Many people say that they would love to be invisible. Not having to deal with anyone talking to you, being left alone to do what you want, not having to answer to anyone. What most people don't realize is how this "luxury" of being invisible truly affects you.
Being truly invisible, does not mean being that way when it suits you. That is your existence, day in, and day out. And not only by a select group of people, by everyone.
There is a very big difference to being ignored, and being invisible. Being ignored only happens for a certain period of time, and at certain places. For instance, being ignored by everyone at school.
Being ignored has an extremely negative affect on your mindset. Especially when it is balanced out with bullying or any form of mistreatment. It breaks you down bit by bit. You slowly start to lose sense of yourself in these times, and you feel like you don't matter. Being ignored can happen anywhere. At school, at work, at home, anywhere. But in my personal experience, there does always come a point when you are no longer ignored. If it is because something happens in those situations, because of have someone to talk to, or because you have left the situation itself.
But being invisible? This is a constant. It does not stop, it does not change, it is an endless cycle of nothing. No one pays attention to you. Not at home, not at school, not at work, nowhere. You are alone, and you feel as if no one will notice if you walk right out the door and never come back. This is something that directly feeds into suicidal tendencies in a very big way.
I can honestly say that I have experienced both of these situations, and if forced to choose, I would pick being ignored. Being ignored still gives some space for breathing. Once you are away from that particular situation, and you are with your friends or family, you can start to breathe again. But even so, I would not want anyone to feel that way at all. It is painful, and it is a feeling that causes lasting damage.
But the worst experience for me was feeling invisible. I did not have anyone other than my family to talk to. I was extremely isolated, and had no friends. But what made it worse, is that I barely had any contact with the family I lived with. To all outsiders we seemed a very close knit family, and everyone was. That is, everyone other than myself. It would be no big deal for me to leave the house and go to town maybe once every 4 or 5 months. And during the time I was at home, I would have absolute minimal contact with my family. Not because of the fact that I deliberately isolated myself, because I did not, but because no one ever bothered to talk to me.
I was there every single day, and the only regular communication there was would be a "Hi", and "Bye" when we saw one another. That is, on a good day that would be all. On a bad day I was reminded just exactly how much of a burden I was.
In situations like that, it is impossible to be able to get off the ground and be able to look up and start seeing more than the ground and dirt you are lying in. It is almost impossible to stop breathing in the dust that you are lying in. To be perfectly honest, the thing that happened to help me, happened completely by accident. That thing being my best friend.
She is the silliest, dirtiest, most caring, and most brutally honest person I had ever met. And it is because of that little pain in the ass, that I was able to start looking up from the ground. But that was what happened for me. An accidental, brilliant stroke of luck, that I would not trade for a single thing.
There is no instant cure to that feeling. There is no instant cure for its effects. My friend helped me to see the light where all I saw was dirt. But it takes a whole lot of work to keep moving forward. It takes a lot of effort to start getting up from the ground on to your knees, and then on to your feet. It is a long and arduous journey, and no one can do it for you. They can help, they can support, and (especially in my case) they can kick you in the ass when you are being an idiot. But the actual work? It all comes from you.
I would be lying if I said it was easy. Because it is the furthest thing from easy you can ever get. Don't let anyone tell you to just get over yourself. Because that is not how it works. Being ignored and being invisible are two very real problems that many people today struggle with. And to "get over yourself", is not the solution.
No two people will have the same solution. Simply because there is not one. The only honest advice I can give when it comes to this, is to not ignore the hand that is being reached out. I did that over several years. Because I was so indoctrinated into thinking it is all lies. But it is not. There really are people, like my poor friend, who really do want to get to know you for who you are. People that want to be your friend. People that want to help you and support you in any way they possibly can.
"I am here for you", are words that are very easy to say. And in many cases it is lies. Words said to end an uncomfortable conversation. But there are people who truly mean it. And more often than not, the people you can actually rely on, are people who are broken in some way or another. Because these people understand the pain that you have been through. These people understand what you feel. Not exactly, but in their own way they do.
Accept that hand when it is given. That may be exactly the trigger you need to be able to help you get better. That person may be exactly who you need, and you may be exactly who they need when they are in trouble. Doing this alone is agonizingly difficult, but not impossible. Having support from someone who accepts you in every way and who you trust implicitly during this time? That is absolutely irreplaceable.
For anyone who is struggling with these feelings, and with thoughts of self harm and suicide because of it, please follow the link below to Destroy Depression. They have many resources available and will be able to help.
http://reanne001.depress1on.hop.clickbank.net
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